so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
