Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
