Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
