How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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