is wine microwaveable?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
