He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
