i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
