dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
