I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
