closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
