Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
