but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
