don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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