We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
