I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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