Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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