the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I will be naked everywhere
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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