sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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