Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
