Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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