There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
