for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize