i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
