we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Operation Purity has been aborted
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
