Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Your penis caused this!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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