You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize