No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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