playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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