I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
