chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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