We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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