she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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