Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
