And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He had one of those small greek statue penises
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize