Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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