I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
