Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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