I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
