I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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