am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
