I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
