Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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