Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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