My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
