C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
