Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
