That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
