I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Little spoons don't ask big questions
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
