Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
