Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
