I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
