you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
