Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
