Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
