Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
