HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
