Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
