plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
