My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
