my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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