Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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