you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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