2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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