You can't special order awesome
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
