Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
