I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
