he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you would pick up someone in the library
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Bring me that man meat
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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