Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You were trust falling into bushes
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
