so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I will be naked everywhere
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
