he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
