Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
