Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
