when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
