i was born a porn star she said
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
