I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
