Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
