I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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