dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
