The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize