he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
