im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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