i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
