ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Can i not drive my cunt home
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
