this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
