Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
