After last night, I could never be a politician.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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