When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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