her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm bleeding and have questions
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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