I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
