I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
