I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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