he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
