I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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