I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think I just sharted jello shots
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
