I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
